In honor of Pam and my 40th Anniversary on September 27th, over the next two weeks, I want to share two special pieces focused on how we met (this week) and my best relationship advice (next week). I hope you enjoy them, and here’s the first one on how I met Pam.

When things blew up at Berachah (the toxic church I grew up in), one of the practical matters we had to attend to was where I would finish high school. I had been going to Berachah’s private church school that used Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) curricula. At the time, ACE was popular in many private fundamentalist church and missionary contexts because it was self-paced and not dependent on having a robust, credentialed teaching staff. In other words, it could be implemented with little cost, thus making private education more affordable to implement and sustain. 

Being self-motivated, I had worked ahead and was eligible in this program to graduate a year early. Again, having worked hard for this opportunity, I still wanted to do it, so we needed to identify the closest school to us that used the ACE materials. This was actually not that difficult, as there was a Pentecostal school, Fairton Christian Center Academy (FCCA), that was only five minutes away and used the same curricula. And so, my parents enrolled my sister and me at FCCA. 

That’s where I met Pam. Although her recollection of our first encounter is more vivid and colorful, I do remember meeting her and her sister Robin. They both had a distinctive beauty, but there was something about Pam’s eyes and smile that stayed with me even in those early days. There was a sparkle, an ornery grin, and sometimes a reticence or shyness connected to something deep. Pam was only fourteen, however, and so it was her older sister who was initially more in my orbit. Although Robin was older than me– 18 to my 16– we were both doing senior work. Additionally, the principal and founder of the school, Pastor Woody Moore, had an agenda to fix Robin and me up. One day, shortly after I began attending FCCA, he got us both in a room and, in a very obvious manner, said, “Greg, meet Robin,” and “Robin, meet Greg.” It was an awkward moment, but we knew Pastor Woody meant well. We smiled at each other, and later related in friendly ways, but there was never any chemistry between us. What’s more, I already had a girlfriend who had recently moved to WA, and I later learned that Robin had a guy she was interested in too. 

In December 1982, being unsure of where the WA relationship stood, I flew across the country over the holidays to find out. Although it was a fun trip, we decided to break up.  In many ways, this was freeing, as it allowed me to focus more on friendships at school, graduating well, and preparing for college. 

Within weeks of starting at FCCA, my sister, Vicki, and Pam had become best friends. Pam was always at our house, and once I got my license at 17, I took everyone to our church’s youth group. My fondness for Pam continued to grow; however, I still saw her as my little sister’s friend. Then, when I was getting ready to go off to college, Pam brought me a plate of blond brownies to see me off, and I felt her love in that gift. Again, my care for her was growing, but I didn’t acknowledge it. After all, I was a “mature,” 17-year-old, bound for college, and didn’t want to get distracted [insert eye roll]. That all changed the summer following my freshman year. 

I had not seen Pam for a while, and she came over to our house after she had been at the beach for a week with her family. There she was with that beautiful smile, tan, freckled, and it seemed she had blossomed quite a bit. I suddenly saw her not just as my little sister’s friend but as a very attractive young woman- someone who was already a trusted friend. Although I was pretty inept at acknowledging and expressing my true thoughts and feelings, it was after this moment that I began to pursue her romantically. I do few things fast, however, and it took another year before I told her I loved her. 

To this day, Pam can’t help herself in providing commentary on the moment I saw her in a different way. She says that I discovered that day that “Little girls grow up…” And then she pauses with a twinkle in her eye to make her real point:  “…a lot faster than little boys!”