“Like the north wind whistlin’ down the sky
I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song…”-Jim Croce, I’ve Got a Name
Continuing my Storyworth project, here’s how I answered, “What things are you proudest of in your life?”
Although technically not “things,” first and full stop, my kids: Matthew, Tim, and Emily. My greatest, long-term contribution to this world is all that they are and will become. Words cannot express how incredibly proud I am of each one of them and how honored I am to be their father.
Beyond this, here are six things:
- Writing How I Became a Christian Despite the Church, my story of finding God despite the isolated, fear-based, get-a-scalp-on-your-belt-for-Jesus, fun-sucking culture that my parents were part of. It’s the story of how my childhood pastor and his despotic wife terrorized and abused their foster children, as well as others. Shame, abuse, and especially distorted views of sex are a big part of my story. As is sorting out beliefs, emotions, desires, and actions to relearn how to be human. The book is dedicated to my parents, where I told them: “I stand on your shoulders, and I’m sorry for what you’ve suffered. May this unvarnished retelling of our story, albeit through my eyes, be indelible proof to all who read that God doesn’t waste pain.”
- While I was in seminary from 1992-97, I served as a part-time Associate Pastor at Grace Evangelical Free Church in Middletown, KY. Grace, a church that really did live up to its name, was a place of huge learning and healing for me. There, I experienced true community and had the privilege of bringing strength to many students, men, young adults, and families. There, I also developed a lifelong conviction that the church can be a place where people are strengthened, genuineness is encouraged, and Christianity is a matter of the heart.
- During 1998-2004, I led the transition of an ingrown church that had considered shutting its doors to a place of strength, hope, and possibility; empowered and managed change resulting in a new name, structure, focused mission, and a face in the community. When I came, they had no relationship with two public schools less than ¼ mile from the church and no VBS. When I left, they had a working relationship with both schools, as well as a strong VBS program with over 100 in attendance, the majority of which were unchurched from the community.
- While working at National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), in 2009, I assembled and oversaw a national team of diverse content experts and coordinated with an internal design team (marketing and graphics), resulting in the highly successful completion of a competitive, multi-year national project—the largest to date—on Engaging Fathers for Successful Reentry. This was made possible by a $600K grant from Bureau of Justice Assistance (BJA). (You can view some of the work associated with this project by watching the 8-minute inspiring story of Troy and Xavier Gaines: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PbO1z7Iz_n8 )
- Also during my time at NFI, I wrote InsideOut Dad® Christian, an integrated Christian version of the evidence-based parenting program for incarcerated dads. This resource was endorsed by the late Chuck Colson. After the curriculum started to be used in select places nationally, I became aware of its use at Angola Prison, once America’s bloodiest prison and now the largest maximum-security prison in the nation. I traveled first to Angola on December 7, 2010, and then again at the end of April 2011 with my son, Tim. On my second visit with Tim, we stayed in New Orleans and ate breakfast at Cafe Du Monde, famous for its beignets—fried, powdered donuts—and chicory flavored coffee. The temperature was perfect, and the cool air off the Gulf made the time with my son feel like a few moments in paradise. A heavenly breeze, coffee and pastries, sharing a special trip with your son, and learning more about the gospel—life does not get much better than this! Then, over the course of several days at Angola, we were given a tour, attended their famous annual rodeo, went to Awana’s amazing Returning Hearts Celebration, and saw the graduation of those who had completed NFI’s InsideOut Dad Christian™ program—approximately 120 graduates! Seeing the fruit of my labors, combined with sharing the whole New Orleans/Angola experience with my son, was probably the highlight of my career.
- Getting my doctorate in 2017 and then spending five years working with the dissertation from that degree to make it practical and accessible. This led to the 2022 release of the book Irreplaceable: Recovering God’s Heart for Dad’s. This whole process allowed me to put bookends on my 11-year career with NFI, heal from my own father wounds, and explore my own successes and failures as a father.