One standout memory from the global pandemic was hearing Brittany Howard’s powerful, bluesy voice reimagine the classic “You’ll Never Walk Alone”:
“When you walk through the storm hold your head up high and don’t be afraid of the dark…
Why? Well… in the song it has something to do with “the golden sky” at the end of the storm and “the sweet silver song of the lark.” Again, I loved Brittany’s cover and I’m all for carrying “hope in your heart,” but I need a little more substance to get me through my storms and maybe you do too.
Storms come in many shapes and sizes. Some are natural disasters like wildfires that destroy or make air quality hazardous. Some are manmade like the war in Ukraine where often, though not always, there is a clear aggressor and a victim. And then there are storms that we bring on ourselves through the choices we make or, in some cases, fail to make.
Over the last year, several loved ones have had health scares or battled cancer. One who’s like a daughter to me fell and broke her back. Another dear friend had to deal with inappropriate questions and false allegations at his workplace. I too have had to navigate my own relational tempests connected with employment leadership transition and reprioritization. Gratefully, on vacation last week, I got a chance to reflect on and identify ten things that have helped me the most to process, endure, and grow through my hurricane. Whatever your situation or the scary weather you or yours are facing, I hope you’ll find one or more of the following insights healing or helpful:
Lean into the Psalms. The Psalms keep us honest, legitimizing and giving voice to a whole range of human emotions. They help us take our troubles to God. Shaking us out of denial, they teach us to call a spade a spade and to name injustices. They remind us that not everyone is our friend, and that enemies and evil are real. In hard times, often I’ve gone back to reading a Psalm every morning, using it as a prompt to journal and write out short prayers. Often, when I do this, I try to highlight one characteristic of God or promise that stands out to me that day. When we walk through a storm, the Psalms help us grieve so we don’t take baggage into our next season.
Find a safe friend to help process your confusion and hurt. The stinging rain of a relational storm can seriously hinder your visibility. And it’s hard to move forward or lead when you’re in pain and can’t see what’s ahead of you. That’s where “rainy day people” or safe friends come in. A safe friend is one who listens well, encourages you to be honest, reminds you of your gifts, and tells you the truth. They have the overall effect of strengthening and refreshing your spirit. Additionally, they are mature enough to search you out– not just take up your offenses: “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” (Prov. 18:17, ESV) In days to come, these friends will also often check on you, helping to turn your heart toward Christ and away from bitterness.
Seek out good music that helps your heart. They say that “music calms the savage beast” and there’s certainly truth to that. “Sad songs say so much” and even non-religious expressions can give us the language of lament (sometimes even more so because they’re more honest and human than a lot of “Christian” music). But for those who prioritize being filled with the Spirit, there’s a specific place for “speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit… [singing and making] music from your heart to the Lord…” (Eph. 5:19, ESV). For me, honest worship music is hard to find, but when I’ve found it (or someone’s found it for me) it’s been an important and healing means of grace. Here are two favorites that friends have sent me over the last three months:
- On This Dessert Road by Casting Crowns
- Worship for Workers– a new album from the Porter’s Gate
Don’t let those who’ve hurt you delegitimize your perspective. As my wife likes to say, “A person doesn’t get to punch you in the face and then tell you how it’s supposed to feel.” This is also related to the difference between intent and impact. Someone may say, “I didn’t intend to mistreat or be cruel” but that doesn’t mean that the impact of their actions wasn’t either of those things.
Realize your perspective is limited and only God knows a person’s heart. There are many legitimate ways to look at the same situation and not everyone’s values, experiences, allegiances, priorities, or even sources of trusted information are the same as yours. Further, even good and godly people like Paul and Barnabas parted ways over whether relationship or mission should have greater priority at a given time (Acts 15:36-40). And, although it’s always wise to judge character based on what people do more than on what they say, the truth is only God knows our truest motives or what’s in our hearts.
In closing, Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there, and next week I’ll share five more insights in Going Through Storms, 2 of 2. (To read Part 2 now, click here.)