I ain’t the kind to hang around
With any new love that I’ve found
Since movin is my stock ‘n trade,
I’m moving on I won’t think of you when I’m gone…
I’ve got a hundred more like you, so don’t be blue
I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through
For Lovin’ Me/Did She Mention My Name, ©1966, 1968, 1975 by Gordon Lightfoot
The cold, detached state-of-mind reflected in the lyrics above may have been part of what made Lightfoot famous; however, his actions consistent with this authentic expression of his soul took a devastating toll on his family. In the real world, cheating spouses and dead-beat dads don’t make us laugh like the character Reese Bobby, Ricky’s Bobby’s father, in Talladega Nights. They bring pain and hurt of the worst kind.
We can learn a lot from Lightfoot about “how not to be”—especially toward our wives and children. On his third marriage, he has six children that we know of. “…(In the Seventies, he was also briefly in a relationship with Cathy Smith, who was with John Belushi on the night he overdosed.) You wonder if all those relationships come rushing back when he sings songs he wrote about those situations — ‘If You Could Read My Mind,’ for instance, is about the collapse of his first marriage in the late Sixties.”[1]
Happiest on the road, Lightfoot’s “long absences… not to mention his infidelities—had ruined his [first] marriage and put distance between him and his kids.” On this Lightfoot reflects, “Have you ever had your son look at you with an accusation that you walked out on him?’” Jennings, his biographer, concludes: “Thrilling through it was, being in constant motion took a toll that Lightfoot would have to live with all his life.”[2]
Regret is a common theme in his music. For example, in his song “Second Cup of Coffee,” he confesses to sleep that is “filled with dreaming of the wrongs that I have done/ And the gentle sweet reminder of a daughter and a son.”
The daughter referenced is Ingrid, his oldest from his first marriage. She finally asked him to stop singing “For Lovin’ Me:” “I didn’t want him to sing it, because it made me angry… I knew it was about my mom. It‘s pretty self-explanatory. ‘I’m not the kind to hang around’ and ‘the new love that I’ve found.’ My dad was going through a lot of women. My mom didn’t need to be reminded of that.”[3]
Reflecting back, Lightfoot admits:
“In my first family, I’m afraid, at that particular time I guess I wasn’t around long enough to be of service to them, and I do regret that a great deal to this day,” he said. “[I] keep the lines of communication open at all times and see them regularly and the two grandchildren as well… My new family is growing and needs more attention. Since I won’t be following the route I did in my first marriage, I will be dealing with it practically. I hope I can handle it.”
At Care Net, the Christian ministry I work for, we focus on the private, hidden issue of abortion—often the collateral damage resulting from a promiscuous lifestyle like Lightfoot’s. In offering compassion, hope, and help to men and women facing pregnancy decisions, we’ll gently remind them that children—whether born or pre-born—are not lives worth sacrificing but lives worth sacrificing for. Lightfoot’s had to learn this the hard way.
Thankfully, “making amends for past mistakes… [has] become a priority. Responsibilities to… children…[are] now paramount.” Jennings notes: “If he’s sinned in the past, Lightfoot’s future was going to be all about redemption.”[4] Indeed, aging, a near-death experience in 2002, and the pain of regret have given him a different perspective than he had throughout his prime. Here’s evidence of that from his children:
- “He’s definitely changed after the aneurysm,” adds Ingrid, “paying more attention to all of us and calling more.”[5]
- Says Fred, his oldest son: “In my younger years I didn’t see much of Dad, but he’s been very supportive of my kids, especially Ben, who’s extremely autistic, and comes to visit a lot.”[6]
- Meredith, one of his children from a later marriage observes: “One of the things that I admire about him is that he realizes he has room to grow… He’s still learning things about himself.”
Next week, we’ll look more at Lightfoot’s take on aging, the creative process, and especially at what he often refers to as his need for “repentance” and “atonement.”
[1] https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/gordon-lightfoot-interview-80-years-strong-tour-844868/ from June 11, 2019.
[2] Nicholas Jennings, Lightfoot (Viking, 2017), 121.
[3] Ibid., 232.
[4] Ibid., 238-239.
[5] Ibid., 262.
[6] Ibid., 265.